Home

Home has always been an interesting topic for me and likewise, I have always been intrigued by Maya Angelou’s quote (as well as Brene Brown’s explanation of it), “You are only free when you realize you belong no place—you belong every place—no place at all. The price is high. The reward is great.”  It took me awhile, but in the past year I’ve not only come to logically understand this quote but KNOW this quote at a soul level.  Perhaps paradoxically, this sense of belonging has also helped me drop my labels of “other, different, misfit, and special”, bridging the gap of separation I felt most of my life in this human body. While still the introvert (perhaps another label that I am not ready to give up), feeling at home within myself has allowed me to feel more comfortable in a crowd, knowing I belong to myself, the earth below, and the skies above.

Physically, “home” has come into question more and more as I run into other hikers and they ask where I’m from.  Despite being grateful for my midwestern roots, my time in the CVNP, and the part of me that still says I’m going “home” (really meaning to see my family) for Christmas, I never consider replying “Ohio”.  My spirit has always belonged in Colorado, something I intensely felt when Sandi first took me to Molas Pass but at the time would have never have known how to describe.  This, and a series of steps from the Universe aligning, is what led me to first thru hike the Colorado Trail with Pacer just two months after moving to the state.  Soon, I was calling the Colorado Trail “home”, which I think was simply because I felt the most free I ever had in that month.  Funny how “free” and “home” go together, this solving why as a cancer sign I also have a fondness for wanderlust. As for my reply to other hikers, I realized it was far too long to explain that in the past year I had moved from Estes Park (a place I still miss for the magnificence and my second set of parents/landlords, but never felt quite like home) to a yurt in Villa Grove for the winter and was currently homeless. Instead, I thought of where Sandi and Sage/Pacer’s aunt and uncle were, “Salida” (my reply), the Sawatch Range, and all the memories I have attached to both people and place (8 years of S “Christmas” Mountain, several years of Fibark, and many mountain explorations). Adventure and family. Freedom and home. Plus, a little” weird.  The right mix of belonging and fitting in.   

In short, home is the place where you are free to be 100% yourself, where you will always be loved no matter what mistakes you make, a place you can both find within yourself, in others, and in the open arms of Mother Nature.