Pain: The Great Teacher

Pain had more to teach me.

A few weeks ago, I had decided to wait on getting a wisdom tooth pulled because of nice weather and already having a mountain day planned (I was supposed to “chill” for 4 days after the procedure). Even though I wasn’t in pain that day, I knew before even leaving the dentist’s office that I had made another decision with my ego.

9 days later (with the next scheduled appointment nearly 2 weeks away) the pain came back in full force, plus a little more—almost unbearable. You probably won’t understand the pain of a toothache (and infection) unless you’ve had it before, but it left me wandering somewhere in the liminal state between conscious and unconscious.

Pain, a Great Teacher, is also warning sign. It asks us to check in with our bodies and our hearts. Not listening results in…more pain, at increased levels.

I had again chosen a mind want out of fear rather than my heart want of a happy, healthy me. If I had gotten my tooth pulled the previous week, my last Autumn and dry mountain of the year would have been completely enjoyable.

Fear left me impatient.

Love does not fear time.

Pain lets me know when I am listening to my ego rather than my heart and soul. Whether physical or mental and emotional, the Great Teacher lets me know when I have chosen to separate from my true self.

I’ve ignored pain almost my whole life.

As a child, pain rarely brought me comfort from my parents, so I desensitized myself to it and learned to deny comfort for myself, too.

But, I don’t want to live in pain anymore. I don’t want to live in separation from who. I. am. I don’t want physical pain or heart pain for these elongated, semi-conscious periods.

I want to heed pain’s warning on the spot. To honor pain’s lessons and allow it to redirect me back to love.

My win on that last mountain?

Calling out my self-judgement and shame before it could grow. Even if I made an ego decision, I would not then let me ego again win in berating me for the choice and causing such pain.

…A final, free-writing journal question: Pain, is there anything else I am not seeing? Anything else you have to teach?

I am not an enemy.
I am love in disguise.

Keep coming back Home to yourself. It doesn’t have to be perfect, just let that, Home, be your intention.

Thank you, pain.

(Much more on pain and it’s relationship to death coming soon.)