I tremble.
I shake.
I scream.
I shatter.
Chest heaving.
Barely breathing.
I try to cling to the air
that always seems to escape my lungs
too soon.
My mind races.
My heart leaps.
I press my hands to my center
to make sure that it is still there
beating inside
still keeping me alive
even if part of me wants to…
I continue to struggle.
I grasp at the oxygen barely trickling in.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Rise.
Fall.
Crawl.
Slow.
Eyes closed.
Tears fall.
I wipe my cheeks and
the blurriness from my eyes.
I see a little clearer.
It was another nightmare,
after all.
*****
A panic attack is akin to the feeling of claustrophobia-
being trapped inside a coffin,
the soul suffocating inside the constraints, the cafe, of a fearful mind.
To the person experiencing a panic attack,
there is no way out. No escape.
The dirt piles on.
The only option is to surrender to exhaustion, or…
…to breathe so deeply into the center of your heart that the soul rises above the body,
above the stories, above the pain. Back to truth.
****
While there is no single statistic, it is estimated that around 10-25% of people have experienced a panic attack in their life. I have. Many of my clients have.
So I write this to bring empathy. To bring understanding to the experience. Of feeling like you’re alive, but 6 feet under, with no chance of escape.
And, while there IS an escape, or really, a path to freedom… it’s not a snap of the fingers, just be normal and get up kind of thing.
It’s gradual. It’s subtle. It’s a journey for the body that has experienced trauma, pain, and general unsafely to come back to a deeper knowing that, regardless what happens, all is well. To a foundation of love and security. A return to the soul.
Help and support can come in different ways.
If you’re a partner, a friend, or family member reading this, you can help someone regulate their nervous system simply taking your own deep breaths and not leaving their side (obviously, you get to have boundaries too!).
A partner can hold their loved on, put a hand on their heart, and take slow deep breaths.
A friend can offer a hug, hold their friends hand, sit shoulder to shoulder, or simply be on the other end of the phone, not talking.
This is essentially mimicking what so many of us never had… a parent with their own, calm nervous system unconditionally loving us as infants, toddlers, kids, teens embracing us in our own big emotions. Not having this is the first trauma we experience.
Help take care of them while they rest. Cook for them. Clean their living space. Do the things that they could never ask for, because they don’t believe they deserve it. Personally speaking, I know I always needed that kind of rest that only love provides, but I was always fighting just to keep up with life. (Panic attacks are often linked with depression and/or anxiety. They are not contagious. They are not a disease. But yes, do treat your loved one with the same care as you would with a physical illness.)
If you’re alone… put a hand on your own heart. Do you’re best to let go of though (again- do your best, I know how hard it is) and slow down your breathing. You can also envision a loved one near you, and angel with their arms around your, or, my new favorite, the Divine Mother holding you…now, and as an infant, her simple touch reminding you of who you are. A spark of Light, a child of the Divine.
I would also be remiss if I didn’t mention the healing power of animals and the simple soothing technique of slowly stroking their fur, or placing a hand on their heart center and breathing deeply, allowing their unconditional love to help you regulate. And of course, please seek professional guidance and allow someone to help you heal your wounds.
A Dog and Her Girl 