Tag: darkness

A more accurate title might be “Ignorance is bliss…until it’s a constant discomfort that we try to alleviate with drugs, alcohol, food, shopping, exercises, and compulsive busyness” …but I thought that title was a little long. And so, I’ll define bliss here as not a pure state of joy, but an illusory state of happiness that masks internal pain and external reality. 

Before I dive into that loaded statement, let me start out with some context. 

My sister is one of the most compassionate, loving human beings you will ever meet. She cares deeply about other humans and ADORES animals. So much so that it literally breaks her heart every time she sees or thinks about animal cruelty. She can’t comprehend why anyone would ever harm an animal. 

Similarly, I have a lot of friends who care deeply about Mother Earth and are strong advocates of climate change. They live off the land, use little electricity…and even build their own earthships. 

At heart, these are my people.

Yet how do we make sense of cruelty and carelessness without becoming extremely judgmental of our fellow human beings? How can we honor our shared humanity instead of creating more separation?

Per usual, I find answers in going a level deeper and exploring inner worlds from a mental-emotional lens…

…because the truth is, people won’t care about the earth or animal welfare if they remain disconnected from themselves. It is our egos (voice of fear) that cover up our own internal pain and keep us from accessing our true selves. This blocks us from love.

Most people fear the pain, run from it, numb it. It feels too scary to feel, because most of us weren’t taught to honor and feel our emotions. I can’t blame them. Turning our gaze toward the truth…the wounds of our past and the cruelty of the outer world is opening the door to pain, and that pain requires immense bravery to face. I recommend keeping in mind that pain is really just a guide to joy. 

This is highly reductionary, but on a mental health level we first have our protector parts (inner critic, over-thinker, etc) that keeps us from feeling the pain of unworthiness, not-enoughness, etc that we felt as children. A shorter way of saying this is that our ego separates us from our true selves. The healing begins when we can “re-parent” our inner child and learn to love ourselves unconditionally. The ego doesn’t necessarily disappear, but its death grip starts to loosen. 

In a similar way, we block out the pain of the outer world because the pain feels too much to face. With real life critics and alarmists coming at us from all sides that resemble adults shaming us as kids, we further shut down and refuse to look at the reality we, fear, has created. The choice then is either to ignore animal cruelty, climate change, etc. or accept it. But to accept it is to acknowledge not only the pain we’ve caused others, but our own pain. And how the hell are we supposed to do that if we don’t know how to feel…if we don’t know that is OKAY to feel? So we split and separate ourselves from others (human and animals)… and from love. 

The science on animal consciousness and global warming is irrefutable. People who deny these things are not stupid. They’re not necessarily ignoring the facts (no matter how hard they try to make an opposing case), they’re trying to suppress pain.

Compassion is really the only way forward. But god, that self-judgement is so hard to get rid of. This is where the fight is…not against each other, but to keep loving ourselves even when our minds get loud and our hearts want to break into a million pieces.

Once we touch on the pain, there’s a fine line between “fuck it” and keeping our gaze towards the sun in the midst of darkness. 

I’ve been to that “fuck it” place too many times…considered if the physical pain of crashing my bike would feel better than the internal turmoil I was experiencing. “It might be nice to just give up”, chimes the pleading, desperate voice of my ego (for those familiar with IFS, this would be the last resort “firefighter”). I’ve had to fight for my Light, trusting that my heart and my joy would guide me back to my purpose and to Love.

I didn’t do this on my own. I prayed for help. My Reiki therapist witnessed my pain and cried with me. That may have been one of the most single healing acts a person has ever done for me. He then waited several days, until I was ready, to help me see how I gave my power (my internal joy) away to my ego, to my Achilles and to running, to the perception of how I feared others would see me, and to the darkness of the world.

If I give in to the cruelty I witness, if I decide to judge others for the harm they cause the earth or their chosen ignorance, I give my power away, too. I might say “fuck it” or I might stay angry forever. While anger is a powerful motivator, it eats away at our insides if we hold on to it. Yet if I can release into love, I might actually be able to hold on to my power and create change. 

You see, only love creates love. War energy creates chaos and fear. (Our hearts move us forward, our egos keep us stuck.)

If I can step into my own pain, yes, there’s going to be a lot of tears and potential screaming. But from the dark only light can be created…in fact, this is how the world was created and how humans formed from the stars. The only thing that can be found in pain is a well-spring of love. For myself. For others. For the earth. For animals. This is how we re-unite under Love. 

(Pacer napping photos are of my leg, other two photos are of Pacer and my sister.)

“The eyes of an animal have the power to speak a great language.”- Martin Buber