Tag: fear

I am the most brave when standing still.
When I am writing reflections through tears under the fire of a lamp,
or feeling the feels and weeping into my dog’s fur.
I am the most brave when I ask for connection.
When I share my feelings with a lover,
knowing at any moment he could walk away.
I am the most brave when I walk into my therapists office,
making sure no secret is left hidden, no emotion left unfelt.
I am the most brave when I shine my light within.
When I witness my wounds
and kneel before my heart.

****

Like Pacer, you can be brave and still be scared of thunderstorms. You can hide under the covers and paw your Mom for comfort.

Why?

Because bravery has little to do with external actions and everything to do with one’s ability to go within. To shine a light on the fear that drives them.

I could ski down a double black and still be a coward for giving into to my need to impress for the fear of not being enough.

Or, I could be brave and ride my mountain bike slowly down a green, even though I know my riding partner thinks I’m slow and scared.

Maybe I will give a speech to a room full of strangers, because my heart wants a microphone even though my conditioning tells me its safer to stay quiet.

Brave is the step I take- or don’t take- when following my heart.

Fear can be considered physical survival, but many psychotherapists now call that instinct.

What most of us think of as overcoming our fears is actually an ego-survival mechanism. If I do this, I am great. If I achieve this, I am successful. If I don’t do this, I am keeping my small-self identity in place.*

_{*This is very much a “know thyself” topic. Type A’s and Type C’s tend to be does and could find value in stillness. Type B’s can obviously find great value from going within, but may also need to take an actionable step.}

Plus, as Dr. Ellen Langer writes in her book The Mindful Body we don’t often account for risk assessment when we label someone as brave. My bike riding friend, to me, appears to be fearless. And maybe he does care less about crashing then I do. But really, he’s a much more skilled rider, and what I often see as huge risk is a small obstacle to him.

As I’ve studied bravery over the past year, I think I’ve finally started to understand what it means to be safe, to be fearless. In a human body, there is always risk. Risk of being physically wounded, and the perhaps worse risk of being emotionally hurt. But it is the parts of ourselves that have learned to protect our human vulnerability that carries the fear.

We will all die.

But Love will always be there.

And if we can do, or not do, and know that we will and are still love, we will always find safety within the shelters of our mortality.

My confirmation name is “Joan”, after Joan of Arc. At 13, I picked this saint because I saw her as tough, and Sebastian (the Parton Saint of Sports), was either not allowed or I didn’t like the name enough (I don’t remember). But 20+ years later, I believe her. Joan wasn’t being tough when she stated “I am not afraid. I was born to do this.” She was being brave. She knew who she wasn’t and who she was. She was brave in the face of both physical and ego death.

Brave is the step you take when following your heart,
The only truly brave act is being completely oneself in a word of people who have forgotten who they truly are.