"But if you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world . . ." – The Little Prince
This doesn’t mean we will all start hearing the voices of our angels or guides*, because when we’re in joy, we don’t need to. There aren’t any problems to ask about or find our way out of. We’re simply matching the vibration of higher realms, and that’s enough. It is the energy that speaks.
*Some of us may, but more likely, you’ll feel closer to deceased loved ones.
The days I get to spend out in nature, moving my body, with Pacer and family are the joy triple whammies for me. My worries go away. I truly feel like I have everything I need. Nothing more could make me happier. I both feel loved and I feel great love for others, be it humans, animals, or trees. Joy is the magic that brings me to that place…the place inside myself where I am fulfilled and at peace.
It doesn’t make me ignorant or blind to the pain of the world (I am an empath, afterall), but I can see it without my energy getting drawn in, or rather, down. Which ultimately, is a much better space to think and create from.
And in my heart, I know everything is going to be alright. That I am alright. That we are alright.
Joy comes from our inner being. It’s when the heart feels expanded and the mind quiets. It grows in play, connection, creative endeavors, and exploration. (If you’re like me and have an “inner Josh, or “inner gaslighter”, do be a little careful of doing things that you feel “should” bring you joy). There’s definitely no fear involved in joy. Joy and love aren’t exactly the same, but doing things that bring forth your joy definitely leads you to love.
So, if we “do” anything, we “should do” what brings us joy. In a world still partially cloaked in darkness and in dire need of more light, it is of the utmost importance, to our inner selves and the lives of everyone on this planet.
These are the words we see sprinkled throughout department stores, decorations, and greeting cards each holiday season.
Yet how often do we pause and reflect what they mean? Or, more importantly, the feeling that these words embody?
Most of us have realized and accepted that the feelings masked behind these words cannot be found in material things. Actually, I would say that the millennial and younger generations have rejected the notion altogether. Unfortunately, I think most would also find it hard to believe that these feelings can be found ever present inside of ourselves, underneath our anxiety and depression. But the truth is…Peace, love, joy, and magic are the ingredients that make up the light of our souls.
Why? Why is it so hard to tap into this natural state of being?
Well, at one level, many of us were taught to seek for answers, wisdom, validation, love… salvation, from sources outside of ourselves. Thank you religion, material culture, societal structures, and fear/anger-based parenting.
For some reason, the line “kingdom of Heaven” kept coming into my head while writing this. I think it’s because my Catholic upbringing clearly taught me that God was outside of myself, God and Jesus were male, and while on earth, I should look to priests for both answers and forgiveness, and then my parents*. But the phrase, “kingdom of Heaven” pretty clearly seems to state otherwise both in my mind, my own practice, and even in religious texts. While various verses in the bible are partially up for translation (or rather, they have been translated in a way that the “editors” saw fit), Luke was pretty clear (17:21) when Jesus said, “The kingdom of God does not come with observation; nor will they say, ‘See here!’ or ‘See there!’ For indeed, the kingdom of God is within you” (NKJV) BOOM. Of course, I love The Gospel of Mary (Magdalen), which includes the passage:
“When the Blessed One said these things, he greeted them all and said, “Peace be with you! Acquire my peace. Be careful not to let anyone mislead you by saying, ‘Look over here!’ or ‘Look over there!’ Because the Son of Humanity exists within you. Follow him! Those who seek him will find him.
“Go then and preach the gospel about the kingdom. Don’t lay down any rules beyond what I’ve given you, nor make a law like the lawgiver, lest you be bound by it.”
*How cool would it be if more parents asked their kids not only what they think about various topics, but questions like “What is your heart telling you?”, “What is your body trying to communicate to you?”, and “What does your intuition say?”.
Another translation comes from the German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche who said, “The “kingdom of Heaven” is a condition of the heart- not something that comes ‘upon the earth’ or ‘after death'”.
Yet these verses are not widespread because, well, it sure would be hard to control and make money off of people who didn’t live off of fear but instead knew they were different rays of God/ Consciousness/ Source/Love, etc.
Still, you could just say that I am picking the passages and quotes I want to to prove my point, so let’s go to part two.
If we go off this theory, that in the heart resides the kingdom of Heaven, that we can always access it when we are aligned with joy, peace, and love, what blocks us from accessing it?
The short answer: The ego-mind.
From a psychological perspective, we know that neural pathways tell the story of our belief systems and thoughts. Remember “neurons that fire together, wire together.” These pathways are created and strengthened throughout childhood and teenage years. Developmental theories, like Erik Erikson’s Stages of Development, or Bowlby’s and Ainsworth’s Attachment Theory, give us even more tangible guidelines on how the ego is developed. For example, according to Erikson, between 18 months and three years, toddlers learn autonomy and/or shame, based on their situation and nurturance. It’s really all about the story the child tells themself about what happened and the feelings they experienced (and did or did not process), which continues through life until that belief is challenged. And remember, a child will prefer to live in a world where s/he is bad rather than ever believe that their parents, or god, is bad, for their view is ego-centric (children can only explain things from a personal standpoint) and they rely on their parents/caregivers for survival.
Then we get to question, what lies under these developed belief systems? What is left when we prune back the neural pathways? What happens when the mind quiets?
It’s not a blank slate. We know that from both observing and studying the brain scans of well-trained meditators. Those blissed out monks. The smiling, curious babies (who are also super sensory and not yet trained in emotional regulation…they just let it all flow out no matter the who or how.).
My best guess as to what is left when we quiet the mind and remember to look inwards?
It’s a return to the heart and hearing the heart’s guidance. It’s a return to our soul and the peace, love, joy, and magic that makes up our Light.
***
I’m going to write more in depth on this topic in my next blog, but for now, a great practice is to (individually at first) imagine what peace, love, and joy feels like inside your body. It may be helpful to bring up a memory that helps you tap into the feeling or imagined scene. Then, just take a few breaths, a few minutes, to bask in the feeling. If you can’t get there all the way, that’s okay. Even if you “pretend” the feeling is there, that is great too! The imagination is an amazing, amazing tool for creating.
The death of a loved on has the power to shift our perspectives on life.
To realize what truly matters. To realize what is actually worth stressing about… little to nothing.
Getting a flat tire. Waiting in a long line at the grocery store. Needing to go to the bank.
I’m sure for some, this could further add to the overwhelm, but for me in August of 2020 my only thought was “My sister is dying, and you’re going to worry about that?”
If challenged, I would have been tempted to play the dead sister card throughout that fall. Most people would have understood.
(Side note: From my understanding, people used to wear black in the year after a loved one’s death not simply to mourn, but so that others could recognize them in their sorrow and offer love and support. It was a way for love to be let in in the face of loss. Beautiful, right? Why do we try to hide our pain now?)
Why do we continue to stress about things that don’t really matter?
As my older sister would say to me and her friends in her final years “Life is too short to be anything but happy.”
Some of us want to brush that quote off as cliche, too simple, too aspirational.
As a mental health therapist, I don’t strive to be happy 100% of the time, but I do strive to live a happy life. My compass is always pointed towards joy in the face of hard choices and difficult decisions.
That relationship. That job. If I’m not happy or passionate about it at least 75% of the time, I’m out. I don’t have the time for that.
This means living by my values, dreaming big, going on adventures, and not giving energy to the negative voices- mine or others- who question my choices.
It is in choosing my own path that I honor my sister and her reminder “Life is too short to be anything but happy.”
…and sometimes, I just have to create the way for others by being the example.
Picture 1: Me and Pacer on top of San Luis Peak during our Colorado Trail thru-hike.
Picture 2: A plaque from my older sister.
Picture 3: Easter 2018 featuring my older sister, me, and our cousin.
One gift, or word, my older sister left our family with before she passed was the word “yay!”. I think she must have picked the word up from the minions in Despicable Me. I really don’t remember, but “yay!” and “awesome” became word that we associate with her.
While it’s not uncommon to hear any member of my family say “Yay!” and then see another family member smile, I only realized recently what an “awesome present” (all puns intended) my sister left us with.
Lately, I’ve been listening to a lot of podcasts that discuss things like quantum physics and vibrational frequencies, which a very teeny, tiny part of me has begun to understand on a logical level.
I’ve also begun, while alone in my yurt (+Pacer), seemingly out of nowhere and somewhat unconsciously, hearing myself yell “Yay!”. Pacer looks up from the couch and wags her nub, both of us realizing that at the same time that the sound came from me.
Yay! is an exciting, celebratory word. The exclamation point that comes after it is more of a given than a necessary component.
Yay! doesn’t just mean life is good, it means life is amazing, miraculous, and so much so that your inner being can’t help but shout “Yay!” It’s like the vibration, or the energy of the word is too big to contain inside of oneself and must instead be shouted.
As you read the word “yay!” over and over again in the blog post, can you feel the energy rising in your chest?
Why hold it in? Say it out loud with me. Yay!
How did that feel? How do you feel now compared to when you started reading this post?
Yay! is like sunshine in a word. It contains so much light that it can’t help but to burst forth, raising your vibration and that of everyone around you.
Even when not feeling great, try saying “yay”. When said without the exclamation, or in a monotone voice, it feels kind of silly to say. Which is still a lift in the right direction. And personally, while I’m not one to bypass uncomfortable emotions, a little silly on a dark day is still a much appreciated light. Whether a day is a bit gray or already sunny, I’ve now come to consciously start saying “Yay!” to raise my own vibration and let the Universe (Spirit/God/Mother Nature) know that I am grateful for what I’ve been given.
Practice:
Have you ever seen this magnets that say “YAY! _______!” “YAY! MOUNTAINS!” “YAY! COFFEE!” “YAY! DOGS!” “YAY! CAMPING!” “YAY! LOVE!” “YAY! ADVENTURE!” “YAY! ADVENTURE!” “YAY! PIZZA!” “YAY! CUPCAKES!” “YAY! FRIDAY!” “YAY! PICKLES!” “YAY! FRIENDS!” There is pretty much a “YAY!” for everything, which is another way of saying that there is so much to celebrate and be grateful for.
This is your practice. Make saying “Yay!” a daily habit. Throughout the 16 or so hours that you are awake, say “Yay!” whenever you see or hear anything that makes you happy or thankful. “Yay! coffee!” “Yay! dog walks!” “Yay! lunch!” “Yay! friendly cashier!” “Yay! friend who called me!” “Yay! candles!” “Yay! books!” “Yay! going to be early!”
At the end of the day, just take note of how you felt. Then, if you want, do it again the next day. And then maybe again the next. Because life is way more miraculous that we’ve been trained to see. Yay!
[I always feel like I have to write a disclaimer when I write a post like this for fear that what I say will be misconstrued and called “toxic positivity”, even though the study of “positive psychology” itself is misconstrued. I am 100% for feeling all the feelings, because feeling them is the only way we allow uncomfortable emotions to pass, and the only way we can be guided to deeper truths. Maybe it’s because I’ve done the challenging work of going into my own darkness that I’ve gotten to this point, but I really, really care about feeling good and living a life that is directed towards joy. So yes, feel all the feelings, and then orient towards beauty, awe, and however you want to feel.]
A Dog and Her Girl 