The Evolution of Commitment

Commitment in relationships is beginning to evolve.

It doesn’t just mean “I promise to stay with you forever.”

That’s not to scare anyone to anyone who hopes for a life-long partnership. That certainly can still happen. But commitment now is something much greater, requires even harder work, and leads to more joy and freedom. (Not freedom to break the guidelines you and your partner have created, but more freedom to be one’s true self). However, if the relationship has runs it course, it does give the permission to move forward without shame or guilt.

The fundamental aspect of the new type of commitment is healing. Relationships inevitably are triggering at some level, especially for those with insecure attachment styles. Our fears about ourselves and love will become revealed. Rather than suppressing emotions, ignoring big talks, staying in unhealthy relationships, and pretending everything is fine as in some relationships of the past, we are asked to confront our shadows and return to our higher selves.

This new commitment asks for us, first and foremost:

When I am triggered and my shadows appear, do I promise to do the inner work to heal myself? (The first commitment is the commitment to Self.)

Second, the commitment asks:

When my partner is triggered, do I promise that to the best of my ability, I will provide a safe and loving space for them to heal? (The second commitment is to your partner.)

Last, when both partners are triggered, it asks:

When we are both triggered, do I promise to stay in it (in connection)? Do I promise to first take care of my own wounds, then return to my partner so we can heal in relationship together? (The third commitment is to each other.)

While some may not choose this higher level of relationship, personally, a break in these commitments is reason enough for me to move on. If I don’t see a partner committed to their own work, or if a partner runs when my darkness is revealed, as painful as it might be, I’m learning that this is a sign to walk away. The commitment to loving my Self is the most important.

Relationships with animals are easier because animals don’t suffer from the human ego. However, relationships with animals still provide great lessons on unconditional love and can be immensely healing.