“Grateful”

Grateful.

I could also say “Grief.” Which really, says the same thing. Both belong to Love. 

I was briefly discussing this topic and dogs with my therapist yesterday (even as a therapist myself, it’s good to be seen by someone else)… we concluded with the fact that, “I love deeply.”

It pains me that perfect moments pass so quickly. Adventures end. Loves of our lives grow older. People die. Animals pass. Summer ends. Fall begins. Beauty shifts. Our days together won’t last forever. 

One day, “Pacer’s Pack”, won’t have our leader. Or rather, she will be pure Sunshine.

I try to savor. I try to be present. Yet when I hold on, when I cling, the pain is only worse. 
And so I just let go. I release the waterfall within. Currently, the my own water flow trajectory is at least once a week, sometimes at home on the floor, often in spaces where I know the Sky and Earth will hold me. This pattern has been monthly for more years that others may warrant as necessary. But I will stand strong in my deep empathy, my love. Things are still good, We are still agile, but my mind projects into the fading future, as well as the current breezes. 

In the end, it is only Love. It is all Love. 

I cry in grief. I cry because I am so goD damn grateful. I cry because I love so deeply. 

And if that is the greatest burden of my life, it is also the greatest gift. 

…and when I die, may I fade into Love and never know the difference.