Big Sis

Dear "T",

Sometimes it hurts so much I feel like I can’t breathe.
I cry,
But often it’s a silent scream.

Did you know what you were leaving behind?
What was it like to say “goodbye”?
And now that you’re on that soul vacation
Have you found some peace and happiness?
Because I’m still looking for some consolation.

Do you miss us like we miss you?

And tell me Big Sis,
What was it like, so young,
To write like you’re running out of time?
What would you have done if you had more?
Are you proud of what I’m doing with mine?

And what were you feeling when you wrote that line
“Life is beautiful...Even when it’s not?”
I feel like I ought to know,
But I could never say what was going through your mind.

I just need one little sign.

Because honestly,
Every once in a while, I feel a little lost,
Could use some (big) sisterly advice.
Even just a little would suffice.

Sometimes I think,
When you were planning out this life,
That you decided to put Sandi and I together,
Even if it meant you’d get a little less attention
(It can’t be easy being the big sister of twins),
So we’d still have each other, 
When you left for the heavens.

Did Uncle Ronny and Aunt Barb greet you when you passed?
Our fur-sisters Sophie and Savanna too? 

I know this pain is going to last. 
I’m finding that’s okay.
Within the grief is joy,
Connecting me to you.  

Love Always, 

Your Little Ray Ray of Sunshine

P.S.  While I may never have the literary skills you did, I hope you’re pleased that I got in the  Train and Hamilton reference. 🙂
P.P.S.  Can you just give me a hint on how we came up with the nickname “T”?

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